I want to say I love you on your birthday

I want to say I love you on your birthday,
Though love is something you don’t want from me.
Things didn’t go so well when I last said it,
And so I’ll keep it silent in my heart.

But how the words reverberate within me!
A song that I must struggle not to sing,
A music I must dance to without motion,
A poem that I must never read aloud.

Your wishes are a wall I would not scale,
Yet won’t abandon, loathe to leave behind.
I cannot have, and cannot bear to lose you,
And so I send you this in my despair.